This blog began on 10 August 2011. In a few days it will be 9 months old. I read the About Page and I am flooded with gratefulness for the flow of the Singlestream and the God-given gravity that guides it. This little brook has burst through the cranium out of my pained and haunted thoughts, caught a ride in the veins of my intentions, got flushed out and clarified by the kidneys of newfound dreams, given fresh air on the journey through the lungs of my discovery, until the flow finally found itself back at home in a place it had almost forgotten – my heart.
For nine months I have travelled… through my pain, out of bitterness, touching base with my roots and cutting connections with the millstones that previously sat friendly around my neck. I am a different woman. The 9 most profound things I have grown to know in the past 9 months are.
- My body is mySelf. It isn’t just a vehicle to carry me through life that can be treated like junk and traded in for a new model later.
- The mind is a dangerous thing when left alone to run things.
- Vulnerability is hard as hell to practice. But only through being brave enough to be vulnerable can we find real connections.
- Love in friendship is no less important and no less powerful than romantic love.
- Strength is not the opposite of feeling.
- I can heal.
- Time alone is the only place where I can get to experience God.
- Love takes work. Every castle needs maintenance. The bigger the love the more important and the more costly the maintenance. But the bigger the reward.
- Some relationships are meant to end.
This blog was meant to be an experiment. In the end it has given birth to a new woman. One of wisdom, zest, power, conviction and a reigning heart. A woman with the ability to lead.
Much like the woman in the end of this video, cracks and stains have been washed away within the Singlestream.
- The Ceiba Tree
Many days have passed since my last post. It was the 100th post on this blog. Between 100 and 101 I have made an amazing journey back to the womb.
Finally. I introduced myself to Honduras.
Over the next few days I will share with you the journey made out of my complicated and duplicitous world and into the welcome healing of family, love, food and simplicity.
Several times over the last few days the image of myself in past yoga classes has come unbidden to the front of my mind. The instructor would pour out the invitation to grind down into the ground, feel the pulse of the earth connect with your feet, clear your mind and feel only the intention.
The intention is alive and I have some very special people to thank for the jumper cables they have been. Thank you to my Myce for being the genuine and generous person she is, to my Monkey for being the most darling child, to their family for opening their arms to me, to Nena for being a powerhouse of a woman, full of inspiration, and to La Ceiba for being so honest with me.
Today you, a gracious reader, gently reprimanded me for the raw vitriol of my morning post on Why Weak Girls Make Poor Friends. When I stubbornly told you I wouldn’t regret it you banished me from the Shaolin. Bless you.
The ironic thing is that this morning when I started my day it was with every intention of writing a post on the return to gentleness. A deeper look at the last four weeks and the progress I have made in taking the focus off of the idol of an idea and putting it on the blessed present. It was to look at the ground I have gained in forgiveness and healing. Before my train of thought was interrupted.
For the first time in the Journey of the Hair I took a step backward, out of my disciplined and focused path to grace and back into the jungle. I’ve been praying Psalm 35 and muttering “traicionera” under my breath allllll day.
This is not an apology. Not yet. Probably not ever. But it is an acknowledgement. A kick back to focus. An end to the drama. The movie is over. The villains are slain. Dead to me forever.
The post on gentleness will come. Just not today. Be patient with me.