The Man Whore

Hollywood screwed up.  I came out of the movie theater startled by the new fresh look on love and possibilities but as the lights faded in my memory and my brain reengaged all cylinders I began to realize how crazy and stupid Crazy Stupid Love is.

If you haven’t seen it and don’t want me to spoil it please stop reading here.  Because I will spoil it.  It needs to be spoiled.

It is a story of a middle-aged couple bored with their marriage – something I wouldn’t begin to understand – and a Man Whore that frequents a city lounge (meat market) picking up girls.  Wife has an affair (I’m sure Ashley Maddison made a killing off this movie) and the Husband leaves, heartbroken that his wife would find him so boring and drinks for days at the meat market.  He is badly dressed and embarrassing himself.  When he drinks he rages on and on about the guy who seduced her away.  Man Whore meanwhile is busy practicing his art.  Early in the movie a pretty girl rejects him rudely and walks out annoyed at his advances but at this stage when Husband is drinking his sorrows away Man Whore is on his A game.  Every night a new girl, some nights more than one.  Annoyed at hearing the sob story across the bar, Man Whore decides to induct Husband into the Man Whore club.  He dresses him up, gets him out there, and turns Husband into a fully practicing Man Whore.  Yes ladies, it’s contagious.

The movie has other bits to it.  Seems like everyone but the dog has an unrequited love.  Long story short, Husband no longer bores Wife when she finds out about his new womanizing ways and they get back together.  Pretty Girl who rejected Man Whore at the beginning turns out to be the eldest child of Husband and Wife (this town is too bloody small).  She  brings home Man Whore as her new-found boyfriend and love of her life.  Turns out she saw through all his crap and he was so impressed by her wit that he decided to give up his whoring ways for this beauty with a brain.

What bullshit.

What woman is there alive that can tame a Man Whore?  Not one.  The only woman who has any influence over his ways is his mother and by the time he becomes a Man Whore she has already spoiled him beyond repair, helped him become what he is, stroked his vanity and damaged his view of women.  She cannot cure him and the time for prevention is past.

Only a Man Whore can truly cure a Man Whore.  With a nudge from God or extreme circumstances like tragedy or illness.  It’s like a bad addiction – you have to know it’s a problem, want to change it, take the steps you know to change it and seek help if it is beyond you.  For a Man Whore it ends at step 1 – do Man Whores really think they have a problem?  They get all the attention strutting around bright and gaudy like peacocks and see how much more action – no matter how meaningless – they get over the good guy.  Most cultures teach them that their whoring ways are a sign of manhood.  And what man doesn’t want a full helping of that?

There are examples in the smallest of communities and the largest of cities, some never told and others on the evening news, of attempts to cure a Man Whore gone bad.  Politicians’ and athletes’ wives stand humiliated as he confesses to four full-blown affairs and twelve hookers, usually the tip of the iceberg.  Behind her practiced game face I can just hear her screaming at herself “All this after I worked so hard to tame him”.

Honey it was never your job.

Hollywood should fix this.  Can we please see some more movies where the nice man gets the girl?  The one with a job, with no crazy ex-wife or children, who no longer lives at home with his mother, and who is waiting for this girl and only this girl to have crazy stupid love with him?

And believe me, they are out there.  Not in the meat market but in the grocery store, the book club, the church, the charity organizations, education, sports.  They are out there doing things, not just taking things.  If Hollywood lights came off the peacock every once in a while I’m sure many more of us would know our eagle when we see him.

Finally ladies.  One thought for you.  A peacock is earth-bound.  It is the eagle that flies.