The First 28

“Do you have the patience to wait till your mud settles and the water is clear?  Can you remain unmoving till the right action arises by itself?” ~Tao-te-Ching 

28 things I have learned in the first 28 days of Singlestreaming:

  1. I need to have objective goals.  This blog has been an experiment in goal-setting and keeping to a resolution.  It is an experiment that has worked.  My goals need to be objective and tied together in bundles in order for them not to be forgotten.
  2. I am batshit crazy for signing up to parade and dance my not so smexy self in Trinidad Carnival 2012.
  3. Migraines can offer inspiration.  It was out of the depths of a migraine that this idea came to me.  And the STAR Singlestream was born.
  4. My friends are amazing people.  The friends who have been here forever, the ones here only for a time,  and the ones I have met through this blog online – they are amazing individuals.  The hugs of God, with unique features, ideas and purposes.  And I am honoured that they take the time out once in a while to share their amazingness with me.
  5. “The world of men won’t be shunned over one asshole’s trickery.” Something I learned from a blogger called cantankerouscanuck
  6. I love to write.  This I have known for some time but I had no idea how crazy-big my love is!  My whole brain is changing into a writers’ brain.  I have committed to post every day – be it goofy musings like the half-naked cat on the walk of shame or the bringing to life of my angst, mirth, constant streaming thoughts.  And it is changing me.  I am looking at each event in the world with the eye of a storyteller, putting together in my head how I would write this moment down.
  7. I hate laundry.  It is taking time out of my writing.
  8. With the joy of blogging comes great responsibility.  To the people in my life, I will be careful with your truths.  You will be handled with honour and respect.
  9. I love to read.  This I have always known but I am a traditionalist, a purist.  I love books – hard cover and paperback.  The kindle has been in my top drawer for a few months and has its uses but my attachment to paper is loyal, fierce, and reinforced by countless amazing memories.  But the world of blogs and the internet are taking a new part of my heart.  What rich loam and verdant vegetation there is out there to gorge on!
  10. The computer age is catching me.  I’m not as backward as I thought.  It turns out the love of the written word transcends attachments to form.  I log on, spend a few minutes or hours feeding on the typed and uploaded lines and leave, head full and ready for a nap.
  11. My body can do this.  I am going to Trinidad.  In fact I am pleased to announce that 3 POUNDS OF BODY FAT have been scared off my body since this time last week.
  12. Yoga is like flushing the toilet of the mind.  It rinses my brain clean of all filth allowing me after to slowly fill it again with carefully selected items of my conscious choice.
  13. There are just too many mommy blogs out there!  Sure, I get that stay-at-home moms have more time to devote to blogging and in fact will probably need blogging as a way to get some adult time in their day.  But tell me honestly, when you become a mom do you lose all sense of self?  Is there no other experience that is yours and yours alone?  Does your own DNA lose purpose?  You are all scaring me!!!
  14. I am a lawyer that needs to learn to spend like an accountant.
  15. Solitude is rich ground for growth.  This period of fulfilling my resolution has been so very instructive that it resembles an out-of-body experience.  I get to observe myself.  I see myself rise, I watch myself fall.  I see myself battle to rise again.  In fact I have now seen the systems initiate the sequence that leads me toward a fall and watch it, helpless, as it happens.  I now know each step in the sequence that leads me closer to the fall.  In watching myself I am learning how to override the system, identify the part that needs to be tweaked for the next time so that the sequence is changed and instead of falling I find myself dumped merrily off somewhere a little bit more to the right of disaster and able to see the value of disaster averted.
  16. The older I get the quicker my temper.
  17. Writing is better than therapy.  For me.  I am not so interested in examining the past and the reasons I got to where I am today.  They will be and continue to be what they are.  What I want to know is how to change where I am and what I am doing now so that in my future I wake up where I want to be or somewhere better.  Writing is the mapping of my journey in the direction of this future where I see therapy as wallowing in the mud of yesterday.  CAVEAT:  Not to say no to therapy – there are some of us who need it.  People with a different makeup than mine, a different past,  different raw material, different damage.  This is just the opinion of the Bushlings about the Bushlings.
  18. Dogs are little pieces of God’s love.
  19. I love my Grandmother.  This is not a topic I have opened to the world.  It will stay for some time in the private diary by my bedside.  This weekend my Grandmother and I took the time out of our storms to learn again to enjoy each other.  And I am reminded of the child I was and the playmate and singer and teller of stories that she was, and hopefully will one day be for my children.
  20. Pink makes me look five years younger.  So I was told on Sunday, the day of my relapse when I found myself silent.  Time to go buy out the pink section of the store!
  21. Relapses happen.  We all feel the urge to quit our commitments, to run.  Get dragged into thoughts we shouldn’t entertain.  Fortunately when I relapse I freeze – I haven’t acted to destroy what I have built.  My friends wouldn’t let me.  And I thank them for it.
  22. I love the feel of soil in my hands.  Wet soil smelling like fertilizer and new life is a cologne I think I could get used to.
  23. There are stories and people in my family tree I have yet to learn about.  None of them are boring.
  24. I want to write a book.  And I know now it can be done.  If I can commit to write every day for a year I can take that discipline forward into my first book, can’t I?
  25. Someone wants to hear what I have to say.  My words aren’t left suspended and unwanted in the air.  This amazes me!  There are readers who have been inspired to put their email address in and subscribe to this experiment and commit to receiving an email from me every day.  A part of me never expected my blog to be read.  Now that it is I am driven, committed, humbled and honoured.
  26. There are days when I miss England.  And Aunty.  But I am learning to do the best with where I am and the internet.
  27. I look like my grandfather.  I didn’t know this until recently.  My grandmother looked at me with new eyes and saw her lover, husband, and friend.  He died at sea before I was born but left for me his eyes and his nose.  Mine are the only green eyes in two families of browns, hazels, and blacks.  They have been a mystery to me.  But now I know!
  28. Gossip is a pet peeve of mine.  It is the clearest indicator of ignorance.  Yes we all do it on one level or another and usually inadvertently.  But the knowing and malicious sort I am allergic to.

Vanishing Deductible – The Marathon

What hasn’t yet been written anywhere before is the account of Bushlings and her attempt at a half marathon.  The half marathon, some 13.1 miles, was a goal I set to take my mind off weight and get me healthy and fit.  Reasonable and objective goals, much like the Hair.  In the fall of 2010 I teamed up with a guy I know who planned my training schedule for me, coached me with diet and weight training, and ran up to six miles once a week with me – a true champion.  I made it to just under seven miles before all hell broke loose.

Both knees.  Busted.  Off my feet for days.

The disappointment was tangible.  I couldn’t run.  I couldn’t take stairs.  I couldn’t wear heels for a few months.  I have a jagged patella that aggravates and rubs causing a buildup of fluid.  So very very very sad.  I had finally found an exercise that I enjoyed only to have it ripped from me by my own traitorous body!

I loved it!  Running in the rain along the shoreline.  Running on the beach.  Running before breakfast.  Running with an eager mutt.  All glorious and burning and fresh and open and in time to the music.

My trainer is still an inspiration.  He still believes in me.  I started again to run since, just to break a sweat.  I’ve made it back up to three miles!  So what if the doctors say I can’t?  One mile every days won’t kill me right?  Pain is weakness leaving the body.  My coach tells me all the time.

This week he met me out for a quick catchup. He has just come back from the San Fransisco Marathon – one of the hardest in the known world of marathons.  It is super exciting to hold his medal and feel the weight of his accomplishment!

He is also in the best shape of his life.  A very bulky guy with big bones and strong features, he is now half the size he was when I met him a few years ago.  If you’ve seen that Nationwide Insurance ad on American television or on YouTube you’ll know what I mean – he’s a vanishing deductible!

Congratulations to a man who slowed down to let me keep up for a while and continues to inspired me to stretch to, and then beyond, the edges of my limits.  As for me, I’m about to lace up those shoes again.  Time to stop talking and thinking and just jump.