You are a smart Single Woman. You know who you are, your likes, your dislikes, your dreams and your fears. You know your boundaries, your expectations, what you accept and do not accept from others and from yourself.
But you will still lie to yourself.
Don’t shake your head. That’s you doing it RIGHT NOW.
Enter accountability. The person that tells you when you’re talking rubbish. The hand that points out that you need to let go. The loving friend in your life smart enough to recognize when you aren’t being the best you and brave enough to face you and tell you. The voice that calls you out on your bull. They are all holding you accountable.
I am blessed with friends like that. They pull my leash when my self-discipline needs a kick-start, or, more commonly, when my temper flares. Family members and friends with powerful personalities to match my own nuclear capabilities. People as smart as or smarter than me and brave enough to face me down on my own weaknesses. Who love me enough to want me to be well and strong.
In recent weeks I had an exercise in accountability. I suffered a deep hurt inflicted by a false friend. It rocked my world and brought out an animal that I had believed to be euthanized by my self-discipline years ago. The H-bomb blew and blood (figuratively speaking) was let. Then came accountability. A friend who called me out on it. Sent me to my corner to figure out my part in this and to work through the process of letting go. She said things that were hard to hear in the face of my righteous indignation. But she brought me back to being with a jump-start and reeled me into focus again.
Accountability is often feared. Avoided. Resented. But without it we hide our flaws and sacrifice our authenticity. Our essence is overshadowed by our efforts to fake success or indifference.
I encourage all Single Women to seek accountability. It will make the world of a difference in the way you move through life.
But it doesn’t just happen. Accountability must be created, invited and accepted. Follow these four steps and you will find yourself being held accountable in no time.
- Designate your trusted person by whom you will be held accountable. Choose this person wisely, particularly with the more private and intimate goals you hope to achieve or hurdles you hope to cross. The person must be someone whose loyalty is not questioned and whose love is unconditional. You may designate a different trusted person for each type of goal. For instance, an accountant friend can hold you to account with your financial goals, your psycho gym-crazy buddy can hold you accountable for your physical goals, and your best friend since the sandbox can hold you accountable for your relational goals.
- Share your goal with your friend. Share with them your desire to be held accountable by them. Invite them to share their opinion on your goal and discuss whether they would participate in your accountability. Talk openly about what being held accountable looks like to you.
- Trust their love for you to guide them and for them to be on your side. If you have chosen the right person for the job you should not have to feel defensive when they do call you on what you have asked them to call you on.
- Listen to what they have to say. When the time comes and you have slipped, accept their reprimand. When you have met your goal, enjoy their praise.
Remember too that not only will you need to be held accountable, your friends may need you to fulfill that role for them as well. Be to them the friend that you would want them to be to you. Some rules are always golden.
Start today to invite accountability into your life.
For the Single Woman that has difficulty with #1, perhaps it is time to consider engaging a Life Coach. This person will work with you through your goals, cheer you on when you succeed in reaching them, and remind you of your own desires when you start to lose focus. If Life Coaching would interest you, click on the Ford Coaching on the right of your screen to learn more about what coaching is, what it can do for you. From that site you can also ask Kristen Ford any questions you have about Life Coaching and she may be able to help you find a Life Coach near you.