I got into an argument yesterday. It was about my saying something very publicly that I believe wholeheartedly to be true. The conversation was well-meant and came from the best of places. But it got me good and hot.
I was told that in my review of a Gathering of Old Men I took away from the power of what I had to say by my mention of the story of the Card Cutter. I was told that damage could have been done to my credibility and I would have distracted my listeners from the more powerful points that I was making by making reference to my personal experience of relationships and the trend of infidelity in our nation being so prevalent that not one single woman my age on this rock has been left untouched by it. As if that was not a powerful point in and of itself! The statement that was the subject of our discussion was that “I, like Carolina in The Card Cutter, and probably every Caymanian woman my age, have lost a man to a “papaw-skinned, straight-haired woman” whose first language was not english.” I was told that no woman took my man, that he decided to leave. It galled me that this was exactly my point, except it wasn’t about my man, it was about my society. I was told that I failed to acknowledge the flip side to the social development of a culture of jilted and divorced women and men taking on submissive and subservient mistresses and wives from other cultures who don’t even speak their language. This side was presented with the opinion that the Caymanian woman takes relationships for granted and behaves as though she owns her husband.
Let me tell you. I saw the colours of the rainbow. They treat their husbands like they own them? That’s because according to God and the law they BLOODY WELL DO. There is a legal document that says they belong to eachother until death. Her fighting is usually FOR the relationship to work. Her control is usually due to her hard-learned and fully justifiable distrust.
Ladies and gentlemen please do not take this as a dislike for other cultures. I myself am a cross-cultural creation. This is about fidelity.
I invite the married men in my life and those who catch sight of my written words to consider this. Invest in your woman. She has offered her life to you as a deposit. How you invest determines your return. She should never be the only one that has holding your family together as her top priority. I invite you to give to your children the gift that they are entitled to – your devotion and your commitment to them and to their mother. The grass is never greener on the other side.