She is my friend. She’s my family. My insides. She will be fine because she has to be fine. That’s how important she is to me. ~Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
We all sat around the table with one of my girlfriends at the head. She would instruct us, training our noses and our taste buds. The spread was gorgeous – cheeses of all kinds white and yellow, some with blue veins, lush grapes, creamy humus, toasted pita, spanish tortilla, and twenty elegant island women comfortable in linen slacks and summer dresses. Two wine glasses were at each place – one for the whites we would taste first and another for the bold reds.
The energy of the room could be seen as a glow throughout the district. Power pulsing from each woman combined in the vibrant room in flavours of family and friendship, sitting on the house like a heralding star. There were sisters, cousins, girlfriends, mothers, aunts, grandmothers. There were matriarchs with manchego and shrimp and adolescents with coca cola in their glasses. English and spanish would alternate throughout the room with white and red wine. Stories were shared, wisdom imparted, updates given and scarlet jokes teased out of the most unexpected places.
It was as if these ladies know what I had intended to write about today: A woman without girlfriends is a lost soul cut adrift without an anchor.
In going through the circles of love formed around a woman there will grow an understanding that she meets the varied needs of many. What is not visible in this picture, however, are her varied needs and how they are met. She is a complex, multi-faceted, interesting and unique being. No one person can meet all her needs. She has many passions and many contexts, plays many roles in the lives of others. In her own story there are also many roles, a full cast of interesting people who play a part in her own life. Of all the people she chooses to populate her stage perhaps the most underestimated cast members are her girlfriends.
No matter who broke your heart, or how long it takes to heal, you’ll never get through it without your friends. ~Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
It is a common tragedy – the woman newly divorced finds herself in a place she does not recognize and did not anticipate ever visiting. From the day of her wedding, if not sometime before, she has devoted herself to her husbands’ needs, desires, soothed his ego and raised his children. Her bridesmaids on that day of flowers, lace and vows, would have known standing pretty in pink satin that they were losing her, handing her over. Even with the best of her intentions Saturday morning breakfast dates would give way to his laundry and Thursday night karaoke would be traded in for cooking him dinner. She would play the role blissfully unaware for a time and all would be right in her shrinking world.
And then the day of parting. The feeling of failure, the complete rending of her world into two parts of his and hers, and the stifling silence and isolation that follows. She probably hasn’t seen her bridesmaids in months. They probably followed her lead into their own shrinking worlds of domestic conformity. She is in a desolate place, an isolation that she helped to create.
Should the story end there? Could this have been avoided? Does she always have to start from scratch? The moral – Girlfriends do not lose their importance when a man enters your life. They are just as important. Whose shoulder will you cry on when he fails? And let’s face it, he is human, he will fail. Who will advise her on the ins and outs of men and women? With whom will she share the things that only women understand?
Maybe our girlfriends are our soul mates and guys are just people to have fun with.
~Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
I am convinced that fewer marriages would fail if the woman had maintained relationships with her girlfriends. She would need less from her man, demand less of him, he would feel less pressured by her. And sure, there is the potential benefit of keeping him on his toes a little with the knowledge that she can make it on her own without him. Why should a relationship with him be the only one she has?
[CAVEAT – I am only a casual bystander to marriage and able only to jump on a theoretical soapbox in this instance. A Bushlings opinion only.]
To the woman who finds herself alone, I encourage you to reconnect with the girl you were, with the girls you were a girl with, and perhaps with new women that can share your girlhood with you. Life is not meant to be lived alone and company and strength is not only found in a man.
To the woman in love, do not forsake the parts of yourself that will always be a mystery to him. Continue to enjoy the company of your girlfriends. Share together, shop together, cry together, and celebrate together. Seek to learn from and understand each other. They are your support system and you are theirs. Be the support to them that you would want for your time of need. You never know when that time might come.
Finally, to the Single Woman, I am sure I do not need to say this. For many of you this is your only circle, your smallest most intimate ring, and your only support system. Love your girlfriends and care for them. They will bring you great joy, comfort and strength in your solitude. They will be your family if you have none.
You girls are the loves of her life, a guy is lucky to come in fourth.
~Mr. Big, Sex and the City
Today celebrate the women in your life and share the power of your love with them.