“Wish I could be just a little less dramatic
like a Kennedy when Camelot went down in flames
Leave it to me to be holdin’ the matches
when the fire trucks show up and there’s nobody else to blame…”
OH MY GOODNESS! This song is MAD
at the sound of song,
shuffling into slippers
to face another dawn.
One pup in her bed,
one out his window peering
as silver creeps across the lawn
that night is done with sharing.
Coffee poured and leashes latched –
a canine celebration!
And quietly we slip outside
to face a new creation.
Winged musicians yawn a song
as gold slides in their nest
“Of all the visits light has made
today will be the best!”
Palm boughs drip with diamond dew,
mist parts their leaves to rise,
grass flowers disrobe to bathe
in sunshine from the skies.
Green flash seekers line the beach
to search day’s end for a sign.
They can keep the burning sunset.
As for me, the dawn is mine.
- to feel like I am significant to someone who matters to me
- quality time
- matched intentions
- recognition of my feelings, my thoughts, my stands
- to be desired, wanted, TREASURED
- to be cared for
- to be treated like a lady
- to feel feminine
- (I could go on but I think you get it)
YES. I said it. I have needs. These are mine. They’re with me.
Isn’t it interesting how difficult it is for us Single Women to say that out loud? And we know what our needs are. But filling them in relationships often feels like an insurmountable task.
This morning, following a night of recognition of my unmet needs, I ask myself, and you, what is in the way?
I looked first to the party line – “I haven’t met a man who gets all of it and is ok with it.” Really though? Doesn’t just about every man have a corresponding list of human needs? Weren’t we created with the intention of matching off eachother? Many men are seeking that special someone to desire, to treasure, to give their attention to, whose trust and respect they crave to win, and whose intentions they seek to match.
In my own human experience I dug a little deeper. So if it isn’t that I haven’t met a man who gets all of it and is ok with it all, then what is it? And then I got it.
It’s not about the receiver not being open.
We just don’t throw the ball.
How many of us judge ourselves for having these needs? I mean, who wants to be a NEEDY WOMAN? Every day I see women punishing themselves for needing attention, for needing to be desired, for needing to feel significant to someone else. I catch myself singing the same tune in my head, the modern tune of single women – you SHOULDN’T need these things! Needing these things means I am broken. And broken people do not deserve to be treasured, trusted, cared for, respected. And needs are so unnattractive.
Right? Sound familiar?
Honey, how NUTS is that? How are we ever going to get those pesky needs that actually make us human met if we don’t accept them?
How can we expect anyone to believe that we deserve them to be met when we don’t feel that we deserve to have our needs met?
Who on earth would make a priority of filling a need of yours that you deny even exists? Or believe shouldn’t exist?
I propose an experiment. Single women out there, let’s try this out. The next guy who is nice to you and strikes up a conversation in the supermarket, the bookstore, the coffee shop, the bar, find a way to weave it into the conversation. “I am a woman, I have needs, and it is important to me to get those needs met.”
I’m curious to see what happens! Please be sure to tell me. I’ll go first – I will have that conversation with 5 men before Monday.
The size of colosseums
30,000 feet up
I swear you gotta see um
Cruising altitude with a foolish attitude
Headed for the moon
Maybe Mars maybe Venus”
Posted today by a great coach I know on http://www.straightupyou.com/1/post/2013/02/happy-thursday.html
Welp, it’s Valentines’ Day. If you’re single, you may be thinking:
F*&k this stupid holiday
Did I turn off the coffee pot?
It’s Singles Awareness Day. I’m gonna be really aware I’m single.
I’d like to be taken out for a nice piece of fish.
I wish people in relationships were banned from the Internet today.
It’s Thursday, right?
If it’s barely registering for you, great! You’ve managed to escape the media blitz. There are all kind of articles giving the uncoupled suggestions on how to deal with the holiday as a party of one. Things like: Take a bath! Get a massage! Cook dinner for a friend! Send yourself flowers! Have an anti-valentine’s day party!
Nothing wrong with these. But, they kind of all presume single people need help to get through the day. Like it’s a depressing landmark birthday ending in -0.
Here’s an alternative: Treat this like a Thursday. Any. Regular. Thursday. Your life hasn’t dramatically changed overnight. You’re no more single today than you were yesterday. Why spend any time feeling like you “should” be doing something to commemorate (or snub) this Hallmark holiday?
Listen, I’m all for love. And celebrating it. But if Feb 14th’s got your knickers in a twist, give yourself permission to not feel bad, or cynical and therefore not need to DO anything about it. If you’re like me and go to be early, it’ll be over in less than 12 hours!
Don’t make today mean anything about you. Live your life. Go to the gym. Or not. Get the panini you always get. Or not. Have a beer with friends after work. Or not! Head home and unplug your TV and computer and just read. Or watch a movie. Hit the hay and wake up thinking, “Ahhh, it’s Friday!”
You’re fabulous. You’re alive. Spring is just around the corner. And tomorrow is the weekend. YAY. :-)”