MY NEEDS ARE:
- to feel like I am significant to someone who matters to me
- quality time
- matched intentions
- recognition of my feelings, my thoughts, my stands
- to be desired, wanted, TREASURED
- to be cared for
- to be treated like a lady
- to feel feminine
- (I could go on but I think you get it)
YES. I said it. I have needs. These are mine. They’re with me.
Isn’t it interesting how difficult it is for us Single Women to say that out loud? And we know what our needs are. But filling them in relationships often feels like an insurmountable task.
This morning, following a night of recognition of my unmet needs, I ask myself, and you, what is in the way?
I looked first to the party line – “I haven’t met a man who gets all of it and is ok with it.” Really though? Doesn’t just about every man have a corresponding list of human needs? Weren’t we created with the intention of matching off eachother? Many men are seeking that special someone to desire, to treasure, to give their attention to, whose trust and respect they crave to win, and whose intentions they seek to match.
In my own human experience I dug a little deeper. So if it isn’t that I haven’t met a man who gets all of it and is ok with it all, then what is it? And then I got it.
It’s not about the receiver not being open.
We just don’t throw the ball.
How many of us judge ourselves for having these needs? I mean, who wants to be a NEEDY WOMAN? Every day I see women punishing themselves for needing attention, for needing to be desired, for needing to feel significant to someone else. I catch myself singing the same tune in my head, the modern tune of single women – you SHOULDN’T need these things! Needing these things means I am broken. And broken people do not deserve to be treasured, trusted, cared for, respected. And needs are so unnattractive.
Right? Sound familiar?
Honey, how NUTS is that? How are we ever going to get those pesky needs that actually make us human met if we don’t accept them?
How can we expect anyone to believe that we deserve them to be met when we don’t feel that we deserve to have our needs met?
Who on earth would make a priority of filling a need of yours that you deny even exists? Or believe shouldn’t exist?
I propose an experiment. Single women out there, let’s try this out. The next guy who is nice to you and strikes up a conversation in the supermarket, the bookstore, the coffee shop, the bar, find a way to weave it into the conversation. “I am a woman, I have needs, and it is important to me to get those needs met.”
I’m curious to see what happens! Please be sure to tell me. I’ll go first – I will have that conversation with 5 men before Monday.