Questions I Asked God

Do you have a sense of humor? Do you laugh at idiots in the same way that I do? Do you play tricks on people? Hide their keys? Do you reward people even when they don’t deserve it order to maintain some sense of balance/kindness/mystery that we are not advanced enough to understand? Do you know what kindness is? Do you define it differently than I do? Do you have a CD player? Do you like Coldplay? Do you songs get stuck in your head? Are “blessings” rewards or favors?

Can you feel temperatures? Do you have good days and bad days? Do you play favorites with certain countries, certain times, certain people? Do you ever have to swallow your pride? Do you enjoy being worshiped blindly by millions? Does it piss you off that people interpret you so differently?

Am I special?…Okay. In a good way or a bad way? Do you have a favorite color? Have you ever had sex? Do you ever bite your tongue? Are you any particular race? Is “perfection” purely a human concept? Have you ever had a regret? Are you as imperfect as the beings you supposedly created? Why do people get so pissed when I try to make sense of you? Are you a figment of my imagination, or theirs, or us both? Why aren’t more people nice to me? Is there a secret of the world that I just don’t “get”?

Is “nice” a human concept? Do you live in a palace in the clouds? Do you hang out with naked baby angels? How can someone live for 94 years and leave this world lying in a coffin with an unrecognizable grimace on their face? I feel sick.

Why do dumb people have children? Why do I have a mind that races? Why can I keep so much control? Do you wear tie-dye T-shirts? Are you a hippie with long hair? Is smoking weed a bad thing? Do you do it and not tell anybody? Who do you tell all your problems to?

Do you pray to a God who prays to a God who prays to a God who prays to a God? Do you hate it when people ignore you? Do you ever ask humans for help? Do you write? Do you have good penmanship? Did you choose to be who you are and where you are or have you just been one way for since the beginning of time? What came before you? Did you like, create yourself?

Do you get bored up there? Do you really live so high in the sky? Or do you live below in order to be closer to us? To be closer to me?  Do I piss you off? Do you like me? Do I disappoint you? Is there really a Devil you argue with, or is that just one of those things that humans made up? Like, is the Devil an actual entity/mean red guy or is it just a creative way to articulate the lack of God?

Are you ever gonna set people straight about the Illuminati? Am I smart or stupid for thinking that is is possibly the most ridiculous, false, and malicious conspiracy theories in the world? Are you genuinely offended by curse words? Do “holy religious books” matter to you?

Do you treat people from different cultures the same or do you accommodate each of their separate beliefs? Do you ever wanna take a vacation? Do you think the beach is relaxing? Is it smart to bring a child into this world? Why don’t people wear more condoms?

What takes over a person when they feel rage? What do you think is beautiful? Is it weird that I find the ugliness in my own face if I stare at it too long, or not long enough? Does it mean that deep down inside, I hate myself? Why do I feel so good on stage? Why don’t I have the drive to be a lawyer or an accountant?

Is life really meant to be as miserable as people make it seem? Are relationships really meant to be as miserable as people make them seem? Is romantic love a human concept? Have you ever had your heart broken?

Why can’t I stop saying the word “cunt”? Why can’t I care less about my brother and sister? Why does my mind race even in my dreams? Am I working towards learning something or just suffering for nothing…suffering at the hand of my own intelligence?

Why aren’t I White? Why aren’t I ever Black/Zambian/Caribbean/Caymanian/Canadian enough to claim any one as my own culture? Why am I always so confused about the definition of the word, “honesty”? Why am I so patient sometimes? Why won’t my pen stop moving?

I want…….? I want………? I want, I want, I want………?

I want? I want???

I want…..? I WANT?? Why don’t I know what I want?

I want?

////////////////////////

I want…..not friends or guidance or corrections or therapy or guarantees or answers, but…? I want…..?

Okay. I want.

I exhale.

xo

Bushlette

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7 thoughts on “Questions I Asked God

      • Well, awesome post. I know she would only give her platform to a worthy sub, and you sure are that. But the c-word? Gotta stop that. LOL

      • Thank you! And yeah…Bushlings isn’t so fond of my constant use of the C-word either. Is it a cop out to say that I’m leaving it in the hands of God? 😛

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