I can’t believe how raw this post today has made me… how naked it makes my heart feel.
But it turns out that the heart is still there, beating under layers and layers of scars. Perhaps it is better to let sleeping dogs lie, let the scars be, and the fresh scabs become keloid. It certainly would be easier. Healing hurts too much! And it isn’t guaranteed. Is it?
A wise friend and I spoke recently about pain. He has studied James with me and we have spoken at length about Considering it Joy. He has found himself in a place of total brokenness – his body, his work, his family, his reputation, all broken.
But in it he has found peace.
I explained to him that I am completely unaware of any other way of dealing with pain other than attacking or running. The fight or flight in me is strong when it comes to pain. There is no middle ground. Or is there?
He said to me embrace the pain. Be with it. Ride it out and let it take you to the lesson.
Hmmmm ok. I kinda reacted with a flip mmm hmm. But he didn’t move. He meant it. Savor every emotion. Get to know it and let it know you. He patiently waited for it to sink in to me.
Embrace it, eh? Will give it a try before I trash the idea.
Today is a step in that direction.