The Plantar Wart

There are old school dermatologists that see duct tape as the answer to everything.  The lady who has cared for me is one of them.  I have gone to her for years and duct tape with acid was her prescription.

A bit like an annoying ex boyfriend who decides to stalk you, the Plantar Wart is something I’ve battled for some years.  On my big toe no less.  It makes high heals feel higher (and sting) and makes pedicures embarrassing.  It makes working out very painful (never thought of it before but I can blame it for a few pounds of fat well!) and it makes sand difficult to walk on (the grains dig in and get stuck).  After four years of duct tape my doctor finally said she’d use a laser.  And she must have forgotten because the next time I saw her she was back to duct tape.

Getting a hint that something could be done instantly about this pain in the toe I switched gears and called a new clinic.  They had a new dermatologist, 3 months in town, come on down and try us out.  And so, sod it all, I did.

Walking into the office I met someone a bit like me.  Young, tall, smart, sharp-witted, and spanish speaking.  Like me but slimmer and more pretty.  She introduced herself by her first name (Oh my goodness, gotta love progress) and sat me down.  She took one look and said come back in a week and we’ll freeze this thing off.

Back flips inside!  I was starting to see this thing like herpes or something – constantly unpleasant and unkillable.  Thanking God for the good sense to seek a second opinion, if somewhat delayed, I got into my car and went home.

Then the day came.  Excited I was.  Until I sat and signed the waiver.  An acknowledgement that this could be painful.  “You have been advised and you understand that you will feel some pain, and in some cases severe pain…”  Eh?!!  Calling in the nurse I asked her is there any anaesthetic?  Looking both ways she said in heavy Scottish brogue, “To be honest no, luv.  It’s a mite nippy.  I’ve had cryotherrapy beforre, don’t get me wrrong it warks.  But therre is a bite.”

Ahhhh boy.  Asking the doctor now I’m like “Doctor Rebeka, is this going to be painful?”  Her answer… “it will feel like a cigarette burn.  But don’t worry – we do this to cheeldren.”

Rasta!  When that torch turned on my foot I near came off the bed.  It was like a bikini wax without the soothing cream and baby powder.   On my big toe.  Taking a few layers of skin off… with a torch.   Knotting knuckles together I squeezed by eyes shut, my lips shut, my thighs shut and my innards shut as the torch came back again.  Six repeats of a cigarette burn!

Hobbling home with a bandage around my foot I was a wee bit in shock.  And treatment calls for a repeat in three weeks – God help us!

It had better work.

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