Mothers Day for Childless Women

Today can be hard for many people across the world remembering Mothers Day.  The first Mothers Day after mom has passed on is usually one of pain and tears.  The Mothers Day when you and your mom are not on speaking terms is also a very difficult one.  Not to mention the day for the terminally ill mom who might not make it to her next Mothers Day.  Fortunately my mom is alive and relatively well but this year I have glimpsed the fear of losing her twice.  This year I was very grateful for her presence.

One set of mourners on Mothers Day that are often forgotten are women who have always wanted children but have yet to see that stage of life begin.  I imagine it is particularly painful for those ladies well past the age where they can have children without going against everything in science.

There is a couple in my church who have been loving guides to many young people over the course of the years.  They are about the age of my parents and generous with their time and understanding.  They have never been able to have children.  Every Mothers Day my heart goes out to the lady who has been such a gracious mother-figure to me.  Today she turned out brave and beautiful – she’s actually still a stunner despite her years – because not only was she found childless on Mothers Day but this was also her first Mothers Day without her mom.

For women like myself who are still in childbearing years and unmarried, we get kind handshakes saying “soon enough” or “don’t worry, it will come.”  Consolations that feel a bit like Valentines Day to the newly-jilted.  For those who have never wanted to be mothers this is a source of annoyance.  Why should we feel less of a woman because we’ve DECIDED not to go forth and multiply?  But for those who have always wanted to be moms and seen year after year go by and no answer to this prayer, it is particularly painful.

This Mothers Day I had a kindness paid to me that brought tears to my eyes.  I paid no attention to the accidental Happy Mothers Day greetings and I steeled myself against the “oh honey, one day”s.  But a friend came over during the chaotic time of greeting in our church service and said “Happy Mothers Day my love”.  I started the standard protest line and he shut me down – “You’ve got two dogs to mother don’t you?”  I felt myself flush, grateful for being understood and appreciated for who I am and remembered with such gentleness.  “Happy Mothers Day to Juju’s mom”.

I’ve come home just now after having spent much of the day lounging with my mom in her sofa (she didn’t want to leave the house – I tried!) to grateful jumps and a crate full of poop to clean up.  Lola was given some ham yesterday and it hasn’t sat well with her.  She doesn’t get a lot of pork in our house.  As I bent unquestioningly to the task I reckoned, hell, I guess I am a mom.

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7 thoughts on “Mothers Day for Childless Women

  1. Lola is a rasta dawg wid Jewish heritage and Adventist past. The pork thing don’t sit well. Cuddah pridikit. Julius now…is an aristoCat. He is of the palace of Cesar…demz eat any and everyting…no matter de cost. Memba…he sojurned at Old Prospect Road.

  2. Beautifully stated — for those of us who don’t “fit” into any of the few columns in which society would choose to place us. God’s Kingdom has a lot more columns!

  3. I can’t express how much I love this post. Mother’s Day was very difficult for me and even moreso for my partner, who is still raw about losing his mum. I tried to write something about similar kind of things that you’ve brought up, but you’ve done a much better job. Thankyou 🙂

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