The answer isn’t found within anyone else. You haven’t found yourself in singleness because the last one cheated or because you haven’t met the next one. What is your reason really?
But before you ask yourself the question, why is it important to know the answer?
Every moment in your life has a purpose. You have arrived at the destination of Today haven taken the train of Yesterday and now have to make the decision as to which train you will take into Tomorrow. This decision is a crucial one, one that should not be taken lightly. The wrong train will take you into danger and harm. The not-so-wrong-but-not-really-right train will take you into uncertainty, doubt and boredom. The right train will take you into confidence and success. You want to have a good idea of what train you are on before you board it, don’t you?
This is why it is important to know where you are departing from. Get to know your present, your Today, because in your Today are the clues as to what train you should take into Tomorrow.
So let’s talk about today. Today you are a Single Woman. Why is that? If you struggle for an answer, try this exercise. What is good about being a Single Woman? Write a list. What is bad about it? Write another list. Be very honest with yourself. Don’t make any judgements, just let it flow. Be open and clear and authentic in the creation of both these lists. No one has to see this but you. When you are done put the two lists together and you will have a rounded view of where you are on your emotional map. This is where you are. In finding where you are you should be able to see the Why of it – the purpose for being here.
This morning I, Bushlings, am a Single Woman. The good things I have found about being single are…
- I get to sleep without anyone else’s snores, don’t have to share the bathroom or any of my space. My space is my own.
- My money is also my own. I don’t have to consider anyone else in making my financial goals or decisions.
- I have the time to do the things I have always wanted to do. Like maintain a blog, sing in a band, travel when I feel like it, go dancing when the mood hits me.
- In singleness I am not vulnerable to being deeply hurt by a partner. This is perhaps the greatest of my good things about being single. If I am single no man can cheat on me. If I am single I cannot be taken for granted by a man. If I am single I will not be hurt by a man’s inattention.
- There is so much space for growth I can focus much more clearly on the things about me that I would like to fix without having to spend time navigating around another’s flaws.
The bad things I have found about being single are…
- There are times of loneliness when I could use a cuddle and there isn’t anyone there to be that person that I cuddle with.
- Fear of a future alone is something that pops up occasionally. Growing old alone is not an attractive option.
- Maybe one day I will want children. Perhaps if I am single too long I might eliminate that possibility.
…I can’t really think of any more. But I suppose those three are big enough.
From this I have learned that my reason for being single is that I want to heal and grow. I don’t wish for it to last forever but there are great benefits to this time that I am here to receive. Knowing this about my Today will inform my decisions. What train should I take into Tomorrow? Perhaps I should go back to school or maybe exploring new hobbies is enough for my growth. Learning about how to heal my wounds and giving time for my anger at the wound-makers of my past to ebb away should probably be the focus of my reading and my explorations. As I heal and grow I see more clearly the purpose of my singleness – Why continue to battle when I am wounded?
As you do your list you may discover that you want your Tomorrow to look like your Today – perhaps you want to be single forever? Perhaps you are over your wounds and unwilling to go back into battle at all? Perhaps you are considering a relationship and determine it to be the best way into your tomorrow? What do your lists look like? What is the purpose of your Today?