Writing Class… Show don’t tell…

The assignment was to create a character using actions and not descriptions.  Show don’t tell.  We were to write a half page on the following description “Angela hated her husband and had no way of telling him, for she was afraid of what might become of her”  Here is my stab at it…

The water had come to a boil.  Angela lifted the lid with a heavy hand and leaned over it until the steam assaulted her face in a quick blush.  She slid the dry spaghetti into the side of the pot at an angle.  It would weaken in the water and slump in at its own pace.  Turning to the counter across from the stove she began to slice viciously into the fresh beef tomatoes in the half-light.  Her husband had yet to fix the light for this counter despite her having asked him four times in the last month.  One tear snaked its way down her right cheek and she swiped the back of her hand over the trail.  The tear-stained hand, cold from the tomatoes, plunged into the warmth of her apron pocket and collided with the small glass vial.  Closing her hand in a tight grip around the comfort of the hard glass, Angela slowly drew it out, lifting it into the light fading outside the window.  Her eyes tightened with something harder than just focus and her jaw clenched.  She stood there for some time running her determined gaze over the fine print on the bottle.

The screen door out front slammed shut like a whip crack announcing her husband was home.  Angela flew into action as if off the starting blog.  The smell of burning meat sauce made her twitch her nose and shaking, she shot the bottle back into her pocket.  As she busied herself, defeated, moving the saucepan from the hot burner to a cold one.  The colour drained from her face.  At the table later she would pallid skin on a headache.

Feedback is always welcome…



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