The Platonic Husband

She loves him.  She hates him.  She fights with him.  Sometimes weekly, sometimes daily.  She CAN live without him but for some reason or no reason at all he is in her life.  He is the Platonic Husband.

Every woman has one.  The gay best friend, the man whore she is immune to, the co-worker that calls her up on her lunch hour to bring him her leftovers, her best friend’s brother, her brother’s best friend.  Some are there for life, some are there for a few months, but all have one thing in common.  She would never take him home.

His role is difficult to define – as every Husband is unique so too is every Platonic Husband.  The crux of his role is that he is platonic and that he is all the other things that a husband is.

Pla·ton·ic

[pluh-ton-ik] ( usually lowercase ) purely spiritual; free from sensual desire, especially in a relationship between two persons of the opposite sex.  ~Dictionary.com

The single woman might ask, why on earth do I need a Platonic Husband?  The answer – to keep you from writing off all of man-kind.  Sure, you’ve decided at this point in your life you’d be better off without them.  That doesn’t make men the enemy. …OK… I rephrase… it doesn’t make ALL men the enemy.  Perhaps the greatest advantages to having a Platonic Husband are if he screws up you can walk away easily, it’s socially acceptable to have many of them at one time, and it’s emotionally possible to move on the very same day.  Platonic divorces are free.

Every single woman has one.  Not all of you know that he is a Platonic Husband but this should help you identify him, or them, in your life.

Signs that you might have a Platonic Husband:

  1. He’s second after your Dad on the speed dial list for car trouble.
  2. He lectures you on the do’s and don’ts of dating while you get ready for a big night with a new guy.
  3. You trust him completely with your intimate details – menstrual cycle, crushes, arguments with friends, deep hurts, secret joys.
  4. He tells you things he’d never tell his boys or his wife – like the fact that he has feelings.  And what those feelings are.
  5. No wrong word can be said about you in his presence – or about him in yours.
  6. He thinks all your ex-boyfriends are assholes and has probably told them this.
  7. You do not want to become non-platonic with him.  Something about him turns you off that idea.  Either he’s gay, he’s taken, or he’s such a man whore and you know too much to feel that way about him.  You know all his games and there is no mystery.  NOTE:  Unless he’s gay, its very likely that he finds YOU attractive.  And you either ignore it or pretend it isn’t true.
  8. You argue at least once a week.  The longer the relationship, the less frequent the arguments.  One advantage over the other kind of husband.
  9. He has the patience of Job when explaining football to you.  Or basketball, or cricket, or rugby, or golf, or whatever his chosen waste of time.  It’s a patience he wouldn’t have for his wife or his girlfriend.  Another advantage over the other kind of husband.
  10. He’d never lie to you.  He has no reason to.  If you don’t like what he has to say he knows you’ll fight it out and put it behind you.  Yet another advantage over the other kind of husband.

Live today happily wed.

A famous Platonic Husband - Will of Will and Grace

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6 thoughts on “The Platonic Husband

  1. I Love It !!!!

    I passed this on to one my “Platonic Husbands”, who just today had dubbed himself my “Insignificant Other” … He of course very willingly took on this new more prestigious title … LOL

    • As a wise young man once said “I don’t like watching sports. It interrupts regular programming.”

      LOL! I know I know it’s fun sometimes. Remember Bushlings is the world cup football maniac. And you will also see that soccer was not amongst the sports listed.

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