I am not in the business of holding grudges. Probably because I’m not very good at it. When it stops hurting I stop remembering it. Mind you, some hurt stays fresh for a long time with no nurturing and wallowing. Some earth-shattering hurts hurt forever. I have yet to master the skill of how to forgive while I still hurt. But once the hurt is gone I forget and it is over for me. In the heat of the moment I explode like a firework. But ask me two years later and I will have forgotten what the whole show was about.
Because I forget the hurt I sometimes forget the lesson and I will be open to a repeat-hurt later in life. Which is why I don’t hold grudges, I burn bridges.
Now every psychologist in the world will say this is unhealthy. I am by no means going to attempt to justify myself. This is simply a statement of fact. An explanation of what is. I burn bridges and trust the decision of the self of my past rather than remind myself – the current self – of the hurt and re-live it all over again.
But things are changing…
I have a cousin, someone dear to me but very different from me in all but two respects. Our anger is explosive and our bridges go up in flames. Our differences have given rise to hurts and fights and misunderstandings and flames for years. We have been bridgeless now going two years. Family hurts are often the hardest to heal.
Yet she is mine and I am hers. I have not chosen her – she was chosen for me. The hot latin DNA that makes us who we are to each other is the exact same code that makes us flash like lightning. The storm was magnificent. No bridge survived.
Yesterday I sent her a message. “Peace?”
She was not long at all to reply. “…yea…life is too short…”
And with those six words a bridge was built.