relapse

It suddenly got hard today. This commitment to emotional detachment. And with no rhyme or reason. There is no one to blame for this – no man has swept me off my feet. No song has swept me back into the past. I have not let my guard down in the face of difficult challenges.

Maybe I am more in need of comfort than I thought. Maybe the traumas of this week were bigger than I let myself believe.

I suppose it is to be expected. A serial monogamist will suffer from withdrawal like any other addict. The ideal will lack luster at some time or other. The grass on the other side will be greener at some point. This is the material from which cliches are made.

Today writing is a difficult thing. Finding something outside of the old addiction or ideal of romance takes a force of will beyond today’s capacity.

And so tomorrow will be the day that I will write next. Something inspiring. Inspired. Focused. Enlightened.

But let me just make it through tonight…

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3 thoughts on “relapse

  1. You can do it! Though the sorrow might last through the night, joy comes in the morning. Writing every day is tough and you’ve been doing so well so far. Comitting to a goal like this is tough and again you’ve been doing great. I think the longer you can leave it, the better it will be when you do eventually enter into a relationship again. You’ll be more ready and set. 🙂 I hope that makes sense!

  2. Pingback: The First 28 « singlestreaming

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